How do you control your anger effectively?
Written by
Natalie Hamilton
Reviewed by
Prof. Benjamin Murphy, Ph.D.Effectively controlling anger is a two-pronged approach: immediate techniques that help to stop the escalation, and long-term strategies for building emotional resilience. Both go together in causing a long-term shift. I have worked with clients to completely change their relationships using this two-pronged approach.
Your body often acknowledges anger before your mind becomes aware of it. Look for physical signs like a clenched jaw or rapid breathing. These take about 10-15 seconds before considering an outburst. With practice, you can become aware of these and take action. This awareness is your initial defense against uncontrolled reactions.
Breathing Exercises
- 4-7-8 method: Inhale 4s, hold 7s, exhale 8s
- Box breathing: Equal duration inhale/hold/exhale cycles
- Diaphragmatic breathing: Deep belly breaths to calm nervous system
Mindfulness Practice
- Daily 10-minute meditation for emotional awareness
- Body scan technique to identify tension areas
- Non-judgmental observation of thoughts and feelings
Communication Skills
- Use 'I feel' statements instead of accusations
- Active listening techniques during conflicts
- Time-out signals for heated discussions
Lifestyle Foundations
- Consistent 7-8 hour sleep schedule
- Regular aerobic exercise 4 times weekly
- Balanced nutrition with blood sugar management
Trigger Management
- Journaling to identify recurring anger patterns
- Environmental adjustments to reduce stressors
- Pre-planned responses for predictable triggers
Frequency is more important: Focus on consistency more than perfection. Daily practice of techniques, even at easy times, contributes to building neural pathways that allow the techniques to occur instantaneously without them being an effort. I recommend to begin with one breathing technique and one long-term habit. Get these implemented before adding more to the mix.
Monitor your progress objectively. Pay attention to how frequently the techniques you are using minimize the escalation. Observe how your physical tension is decreasing over time. Appreciate the reduction in conflict at certain times. All of these changes are indicators that you are developing your skills. They can also motivate you to keep practicing.
Anger management is a skill that can be learned, not a foolish set trait. Everyone learns at different rates. Be gentle with yourself, and don't let setbacks discourage you. Utilize free resources, such as meditation apps and support groups. Only your commitment will bring the ongoing freedom of emotions.
Read the full article: 10 Proven Strategies How Manage Anger Effectively
